Do you ever feel tired of being tired?
I can’t be the only one. I’m worn out. I feel like I’m being pulled in a million different directions. I have so much to do. Yet it feels like I hardly accomplish anything these days. I am super, super busy, yet I’m not going anywhere. Almost like a hamster wheel. I know that’s not truly the case, but it does feel like it some days.
And the funny thing is, I have so many people comment to me regularly, “Erika, I don’t know how you do it all! ”
I just want to laugh and say “Do you want me to tell you how much I don’t get done?”
Let me give you an updated glimpse in my real life. You know me – I always try to keep it real here. But sometimes, I just gotta put it really out there.
My morning started with the strange sensation that someone was staring at me. Right behind me.
I tried to ignore it, but I could tell someone was there. Breathing on me. Kinda freaky.
It took me a few seconds to wake up. Maybe it was a couple minutes. When I opened my eyes, it was light outside and I could see that no one was in my room. Strange. (Nate was already gone – he had left early for a business trip.)
Then I heard the kids shouting and jumping in their room. All four kids are sharing one room now because we have guests in our house. It’s been over 3 weeks now so you would think they would be used to it. They are, but they aren’t. They still regularly wake each other up. One’s up, they’re all up. Joy for me.
Fast-forward an hour or two. Joshua was finally off to preschool (he loves it and I love that the bus picks him up) and I was attempting to clean up the house because we had new friends coming over to visit later that morning.
Cleaning Up with Kids
Pick up the toilet paper bits from the bathroom floor.
Wipe up the pee next to the toilet because at least one of the four boys using the toilet hasn’t bothered to aim lately.
Clean up toothpaste smeared down the side of the bathroom cabinet. (REALLY? I thought I JUST cleaned that up yesterday!)
Clean out the shower drain because it was nasty. Only to stop and remind myself that I have to focus on the obvious things. (I’m maybe just slightly ADD at times. And you see, I don’t know if that’s so much me or the fact that I have four kids. You almost have to be a little scattered to track that many children.)
Pick up some pee-smelling pants from the boys room. Seriously, how do they have so much pee everywhere. It’s really disgusting. And I hear boys only get worse as they get older. I am NOT looking forward to that.
Peel off the Santa window decal on my front door. And there’s that moment of guilt that it’s February and I still haven’t written my Christmas thank-you notes. (I am so bad about that.)
Chase the birds out from under the kitchen table and corral them into their cage. For the third time. Only to realize the reason they keep getting out is because Luke walked off with the stick that locks their cage door. After a few minutes of searching, I found it. Thank goodness.
I could continue all day about cleaning up with kids because that’s a beast by itself, but that would take all day.
Just as our friends were pulling into the driveway, I smelled that ominous odor. You know – the one you try to ignore, but can’t. The toddler diaper odor. Let me tell you, you have not smelled anything until you’ve smelled a toddler diaper. Those things are monsters by themselves.
I faced a dilemma. Start changing Luke but then I wouldn’t be able to meet our friends at the door. And if it was a really nasty diaper, it could take me a few minutes to finish the job. Plus I’d risk them walking into my home for the first time faced with that smell. Or I could wait a few minutes until I’ve welcomed them, brought them into the kitchen, and then politely excuse myself to take care of Luke.
Now I’ve long since given up that fleeting vision of a beautiful home. I have four kids. It’s not an excuse, it’s a fact. It just ain’t gonna happen. So instead, I aim for having a welcoming home. A place that people will feel comfortable in.
But poopy diaper smell is not comfortable.
So I decided to wait and go with the second option. It seemed to work ok. That way the poop smell didn’t quite permeate the house. There’s always some though. Thankfully, my new friend is a mom too and totally gets it. She was awesome and I’m so glad I’ve met her and have the chance to get to know her. We had a great time today.
But really, friends, do you see why my head is spinning? That’s how I think all day long. I do it to myself.
I tried to get some blogging done this afternoon – I have some great ideas for resuming my blogging tips series. But when it came to actually writing? Nothing. I’ve had writer’s block before, but this is different. I just feel empty. And not in a bad, I’m-depressed kind of way. I’m just tired. And busy. I feel like I have no inspiration or energy to write.
The rest of my afternoon was pretty typical -making dinner, picking up, getting the kids to help, that kinda thing. More hamster spinning wheels because honestly I’m not quite sure what all happened but I know I was busy.
Of course, Luke always makes things interesting. While I was making dinner, he pulled a chair over to the counter and climbed up. And just as quickly helped himself to a big spoonful of baked beans I was getting ready to warm. All the while dripping it down his shirt, pants, the chair, and the floor. This in the span of seconds, while I had my back turned while getting something from the fridge.
Never a dull moment.
This evening, I sat down to attempt my blogging tips post once more. No go. So I started writing this post. My musings of old. The real me. When all else fails, go back to being you, right?
Do you ever have those days, dear friends? Do you feel like you’re spinning in the hamster wheel? You are not alone. I’m running on that wheel too. It’s kinda crazy, but I hear that someday it will get us somewhere. Someday.
Oh, so remember this morning?
I wasn’t going crazy. Mid-afternoon, Emily came to me and said “Oh yes, Mommy, remember when I came in your room this morning? I had to tell you that I was really hungry this morning.”